Evie is Three (and some other things)

Our sweet little girl turned three years old last week. She is so amazing, I can't believe it's been three years already! In the last six months especially, we have seen such a change in her. She has truly grown up from being a toddler to a little preschooler. She talks my ear off all day long, loves to play with her friends, and is all about being independent and doing things on her own. She is becoming a wonderful, smart, sweet, loving, and friendly little girl. Evie brings us so much happiness and laughter every single day, we can't imagine what our lives would be like without her.

Evie loves to play outside now that the weather has finally warmed up (mostly). She loves to explore the backyard, ride in her car and on her bike, play in her playhouse, and go to the playground. Other activities she enjoys these days include play doh, her dollhouse, her Barbies and other dolls, painting, dressing up,  and singing and dancing. She is still loving dance class as much as ever- her recital is in the middle of June and I think she's really getting excited about it. :) 

If you ask her, she says her favorite colors are pink and purple- such a girl! She loves to watch movies, especially Frozen. She also is loving mommy's Kindle lately, so we've had to put some limits on when she can use it and how much. Evie also loves to listen to music, particularly the Disney station on Pandora, and of course- the Frozen soundtrack!! I'm sure anyone with young children knows exactly what we're going through over here. ;)

Some things we're working on over here: potty training!!! Remember way back in August when I claimed we were potty trained and took a cute photo and everything? Yea.... well I haven't mentioned it, but we've had several setbacks since then. We even went back to diapers for a couple months. We're back in undies now, but still dealing with a couple accidents a day. :/ It's a work in progress.

I know that I've been neglecting this little blog lately- I'm not sure if anyone's noticed except my mom and my Aunt Pat. ;) But honestly, it's been a rough few months for our family. Most of you already know what's been going on, but I kind of feel like it might help me to write about it. We decided we were ready for baby #2 back in July of last year. We found out we were expecting in August, but at 5.5 weeks lost the baby. It was a really difficult experience for me, I dealt with a lot of anxiety and paranoia afterwards, things that I'd never gone through before. I felt like a different person, and I hated not being in control of my own emotions. It was hard on all three of us, but thankfully after a few months I started to feel like myself again. In January we decided we were ready to try again, and we found out were we expecting again in February.

Unfortunately, this pregnancy also ended in a loss for us, this time at 11.5 weeks. This time we were dealing with a missed miscarriage, which meant I needed a d&c in the hospital. So we once again said goodbye to a promised child. This time is SO different than the first time, in both good and bad ways. 

I feel more emotionally stable this time, I'm not dealing with the severe crowd anxiety and paranoia like last time. I feel very disappointed and frustrated, I'm so mad that our timeline for having children has been ruined yet again. I want SO badly to give Evie a sibling. This is by far the hardest part for me, and the most emotional. She will make a truly wonderful big sister. She loves babies and is so gentle and sweet, I know she's going to be a great helper. It just makes me so sad that the longer it takes for us to have a baby, the bigger the age difference between them will be. I know that there are benefits to a bigger age gap, but it just feels like so long before they'll really be able to play together. And it's just not what I envisioned for our family. 

This is the most helpless and frustrated I think I've ever felt in my life. It is completely out of my control and I hate it. We'll be going back to the doctor soon to make a plan to try again, and hopefully there is nothing medically wrong. It could just be two crappy coincidences in a row. It could be more- either way, we need to know so we can figure this out. Our family isn't finished yet.

Thanks for listening if you've read this far. Here's a cute baby picture of Evie for your efforts. ;)